a-fragile-sort-of-anarchy:

Bad News: Our boss locked the keys inside the building.

Good News: We didn’t have to wait around for a locksmith.

Bad News: My boss finds it very concerning that I know how to pick locks, and tried to unlock my Tragic Backstory™. I was too embarrassed to admit that the reason I learned was because, at thirteen, I figured that was the kind of skill that would impress cute girls.

Good News: A cute girl saw me do it.

Bad News: It was Maggie, and since she’s already seen me fall out of several trees, cry because I saw a fawn that was just too damn small, and knows I can ride a unicycle, she’ll never think I’m cool no matter what I do. It’s too late. She knows.

(via incubutts-deactivated20161119)

imlexyandiknowit:

inkantlers:

My lesbian aunt is moving to my hometown and I was telling my mom about how I’m gonna hangout with her and stuff and my mom looked upset and she was like “We need to have a talk.” and we sat down and she said “Your aunt lives a certain lifestyle that I don’t want you to adapt from her” and I was internally screaming but then she finished with “so whatever you do don’t let her talk you into smoking pot” i’m crying my aunt is 52

I hope I am that aunt.

(via arewetumbling)